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"Sense
of Self" A note from Amy: "As I've mentioned in the newsletter before, I'm writing a book about recovery from Eating Disorders. The following is an excerpt from chapter two." When trying to describe the sense of Self words seem inadequate; like trying to communicate an exact shade of color to someone who hasn't seen it. It helps to imagine talking to someone who is truly confident and self-assured. They would describe to you a feeling deep inside their body, a gut instinct, a quiet, peaceful place of wisdom that holds all the answers. In this place they just know who they are and, based on who they are, they know what is right for them - not a "thinking" kind of knowing, but an "intuitive" kind of knowing. People illustrate it in many different, but similar ways: "It's like the base of a pyramid that is always there and can never be knocked over", "…like a solid column of strength inside my body", "…like a spiritual channel that allows wisdom to speak to me". Clients have also portrayed it in emotional terms as well. "It's a belief that I can handle whatever comes along." "I feel calm and peaceful inside." "A quiet feeling of assuredness comes over me." In my practice, I have been trained to use a model of therapy called "Internal Family Systems", which was developed by Richard Schwartz, PhD. Your "internal family" is the numerous inner personalities who you may refer to as "parts": "A part of me wants to go to the concert, but another part feels that I should work on that report." Sound familiar? You met a few of my parts in the beginning of chapter 1. We all have many parts. It is normal to have parts. Everyone you know has parts. Even "normal eaters" have parts. (I jokingly wonder if there are any "normal eaters" in the US, maybe a few hiding in the mountains of Idaho.) Our Self is one of our parts - although it is different from all the other parts. Dr. Schwartz compared the relationship between the Self and the parts as similar to an orchestra. Our Self is the conductor of the orchestra and our parts are the many instruments. Think of the most magnificent symphonic music you have ever heard. Its just so wonderful - the beauty, the harmony, the passion! (You may want to put on a classical cd now so that you can experience this with more of your senses.) Just as an orchestra needs the strings, the woodwinds, the brass, the percussion, all the different instruments, to achieve the richness and depth of the symphony, we need all of our different parts to fully experience life. If all of the instruments were the same, (imagine an all tuba orchestra!) it would not have the same profound beauty. It is the differences among the instruments, just as it is the differences among our parts, which balances and complements each other to achieve this. The musicians appreciate the differences between the instruments because they know that the other instruments balance and complement their instrument. Our parts can appreciate the different roles of the other parts, knowing that each can "shine" while carrying out it's particular job. As you listen to the music, you'll notice how some instruments are playing, but others are quiet. While an instrument is quiet, the musician sits calmly, knowing that soon she will again have another passage to play allowing her instrument to "shine". The same is true with our parts; they know that they all have a unique purpose and that at times they will perform that purpose and at other times they will take a backseat while another part is performing. If you think about what an orchestra is and what it does, it's incredible. Numerous musicians, all performing different scores of music, on various instruments, at the same time, in rhythm and in tune, together. How does that work? How do they perform to sound as one? They are following the lead of the conductor; just as our many different parts work together when they are guided by our Self. When you listen to an orchestra, you don't hear the conductor; but the conductor is an integral part of the orchestra. The musicians follow cues from the conductor to keep in sync with the other musicians. The conductor has a deep love, understanding and appreciation for each of the different instruments. She also chooses what music will highlight the orchestra's talents and knows in which direction the orchestra needs to go. The musicians respect and trust the leadership of the conductor; and the conductor appreciates and trusts the musicians. This is truly a symbiotic relationship. The musicians need the conductor, just as the conductor needs all of the musicians. If one of the musicians has a problem, let's say the piccolo is having trouble keeping up with the rhythm of one section of music, the conductor will take the time to stop the orchestra and give her attention to the musician in need. They will work cooperatively together, while the other musicians either wait patiently or give support and encouragement. When the problem is resolved, the piccolo returns to her rightful role in the orchestra, and the conductor will have the musicians commence playing together again. Our Self appreciates and trusts our parts and they, in turn, listen to and respect the judgment of the Self as well. If one of our parts needs help, she can turn to the Self for guidance, with encouragement, suggestions, and advice from the other parts. This respect and assistance allows the parts and the Self to remain in supportive cooperative relationships. Amy Grabowski is looking for people who would like to help her in the process of writing the book by becoming volunteer "bookreaders". Amy would send you chapters of the book via email for you to read. You would then email your comments, feedback, suggestions and examples back to her. You are NOT being asked to edit or rewrite the chapters. You must be able to open email attachments to participate. To "sign up" send an email to: info@awakeningcenter.net-please put "Bookreader" in the subject line. "DBT
Skills for Effective Living:
Think about the last time you walked down the street. What did you experience? What was it like to move your body and feel the ground beneath your feet? What sounds did you notice? How did the wind feel on your face? If you're like most of us, your attention wasn't on any of those things -- it was elsewhere. Maybe you were thinking about an experience you had earlier that day, maybe you were worried about something, or just immersed in the many details of daily living. In our fast-paced lives, we tend to "multitask," splitting our attention among several activities at once or between a current activity and thoughts about something completely unrelated to it. We do so much of this that it can be challenging to not split our attention, but rather to focus on a single activity and experience it fully. In DBT, participants work on developing the ability to consciously focus their attention on the activity at hand. It's called "being one-mindful," and it's one component of Mindfulness, which is central to DBT. Any activity can be done one-mindfully, as long as you do it with all of your attention -- from breathing to taking a bath to having a conversation or even worrying. One-mindfulness is actually much more challenging than it may sound, which is why we do a mindfulness exercise during every DBT group. For instance, we might each take out a coin and observe its details one-mindfully, noticing unrelated thoughts as they occur and allowing them to "float by, like clouds in the sky." We sometimes talk about developing control over attention as similar to building a muscle -- the more often you can bring your attention back to the focal point, the stronger your control becomes. The ultimate goal of mindfulness is to learn to be in control of your own mind instead of letting your mind be in control of you. To a large extent, being in control of your mind means choosing what to pay attention to and for how long. Most people have found it hard at one time or another to put aside thoughts about something upsetting. DBT participants learn to use attentional control to keep upsetting thoughts from "taking on a life of their own." By using mindfulness skills, participants learn to choose when and how long to pay attention to upsetting thoughts and feelings. For instance, I might choose to put aside thoughts about an argument with a friend in order to be effective at work today, and I might decide to focus my attention on the argument after work, when it won't interfere so much with what I have to get done. It's not easy, and like any skill, mindfulness requires repeated and sustained practice, but the results can be worth the effort. Cindy Butler, PhD leads two DBT groups at The Awakening Center and also sees clients for individual therapy. See current calendar on page 3 for more details. She can be reached at: (773) 744-0189 "ANAD
- Awakening Center Support Group Statement" In order to resolve the confusion between what is a support group and what is a therapy group, the following statement is being given to all members of the ANAD groups held at The Awakening Center. Hello and welcome to the ANAD* support groups at the Awakening Center. We wish you the best that recovery has to offer. We believe that complete recovery from eating disorders is possible, but that each person must find her own unique path to recovery.
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