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"Both
Halves of Recovery" A Note from Amy: "As I've mentioned in the newsletter before, I'm writing a book about recovery from Eating Disorders. In this issue of our newsletter I've decided to print an excerpt from chapter one." …."How did you do it? How long did it take? How is your approach any different from the hundreds of books already written about recovery?" In a nutshell, I'll tell you that I couldn't recover until I had all the parts of recovery in place. As long as I continued to work on only half of recovery, it all kept tumbling down. Let me explain by
giving you a visual example. Right now stop reading and put your hands
together so that your fingertips are touching and your fingers are curved,
like you are holding a large softball. How long could you hold your hands
like this? Like most people, you'll find it comfortable, fairly easy to
do. When you put your
hands back together, what happens? Relief! Phew! The hands instantly relax.
It becomes easy again. The hands balance each other. Each hand represents
the two halves of recovery. One half alone causes tension and discomfort,
a struggle. You need both halves of recovery, and then it is easy. This is the half that people want to fix, why they seek out therapy. When I ask a new client for her goals for therapy, inevitably she says, "I want to stop bingeing and purging. I don't want to eat this way." She will also go on to tell me all the ways that she has tried to "fix" her eating. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? You probably already have vast knowledge about food and nutrition; know all about food groups, portion sizes, and servings. Without a doubt, you could rattle off from memory the fat grams and calorie counts of various foods. Like most women with eating disorders, you are certainly very intelligent, you know this information and have made numerous attempts to use this information to recover. Have you been drawn to certain food combinations looking for "the answer" to fix your eating disorder? "Maybe if I eat more carbohydrates and less protein..." "Maybe less carbs and more protein is the way to go." "If I eliminate all fat and sugar, then I'll be able to eat normally." "This book says that with my blood type I shouldn't eat fruit in the morning." "I must be addicted to sugar. If I avoid all sweets, then that will make me OK." But even as you search for the answer among the many different foods out there, you know that food is not the real issue. And since food is not the issue, it is not the answer. So if food is not the answer, then maybe the answer is…. Exercise! Maybe, like "Libby", you need to run or workout everyday, no matter what! During one of our sessions together, Libby admitted to running when the wind-chill was sixty degrees below zero! What!? Is she crazy?! Why would she put herself in a potentially harmful situation like that! Her answer, "I had to! I would have felt fat if I hadn't." Ironically, Libby felt fat even when she did. Many women look to weight as "the answer". You may think that if you only could reach a certain number on the scale, then all would be well with the world, you would never make mistakes, everyone would like you, in other words you would be perfect. As you know, that number never appears! No matter what the scale reads, you never feel OK inside. That little voice inside your head continues to say, "Maybe if you lose five more pounds…" Even if you appear emaciated to others, you still feel "fat", not good enough, defective and empty, inside and out. Even the labels Anorexia Nervosa (which means "nervous loss of appetite"), Bulimia ("ox-hunger") and Binge Eating Disorder emphasize the disordered eating half of the eating disorder. Outside people, those "normal eaters" out there, also don't get it. They think, "You have an eating disorder. So fix the eating and you'll be Okay." Voila! The solution is simple. Very well meaning friends and family members say, "All you have to do is eat three meals a day." "Just eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full." And my personal favorite, "Just stop, don't do it anymore!" At this point, as the recipient of this helpful advice, you are supposed to hit your forehead with insight and gratefully exclaim, "Wow! I never thought of that before! Thanks so much for that advice. I'm all better now! Let's go have lunch!" If only it was that simple! I, myself, also fell for these common fallacies. During my first attempt at recovery, a lot of my time and energy was spent "controlling my food" and stopping any food related symptom: I ate well-balanced, pre-planned, "normal" meals and I weighed a pre-determined, "normal" weight. Even though I received some praise from others because "I had recovered!" inside I still felt hollow and empty, not good enough. Every day was a struggle, but that's how I assumed all "normal" people felt. Now that I had "recovered", I thought that life was going to be "perfect". The first time Life threw a "zinger" my way, I freaked out! I didn't know what to do and not knowing how to handle it made me feel out of control again! But this made no sense to me! I had fixed my eating disorder, right? I ate "normal" and looked "normal", right? So why was Life throwing zingers at me? What was wrong with me? After a few more weeks of struggling to be "normal", of trying to control life by controlling my "normal" eating and by looking "normal", the eating disorder symptoms came back. And I must admit I welcomed them like old friends! So if you only fix half of the problem, just the food, eating, weight and the body, you have the constant tension, struggle, and discomfort. Hold up only one hand with curved tense fingers again. Feel it again? It's like the phrase that some groups use, "You're always one bite away from your next binge." That way of thinking says you can never recover, you can only be abstinent. I found this to be very depressing. If I was going to have to fight with myself everyday for the rest of my life, then why bother?! Why not just stay sick!? So you need both halves, the balance of two halves supporting each other, for total recovery. Go ahead and put your two hands together again. Feel the relief, the ease. By now, you're wondering what the other hand is. The other hand represents your sense of Self. Total recovery is achieving peace with your food, your body, and your Self. Amy Grabowski "In our next Newsletter I'll print another excerpt from my book. I'd like to hear your comments, questions, feedback or examples on what you've read so far. Please send an email (please no attachments) to info@awakeningcenter.net or write to me at The Awakening Center. Thank you." "Mapping
Your Progress" Last winter I was with my family in the North Woods. I am a daily runner and enjoy this form of moving my body. I decided to head out into the beautiful woods and go for a run. I had never been there before. Shortly after I began running, I became distracted and began to feel disconnected from the moment and lost. I had a difficult time distinguishing how far I had run, where I was going, or where I had been due to the fact that each tree looked the same. I wanted to stop. I turned back and began walking towards where I had started. I didn't attempt to run again during this trip. Not long after I returned home, I started to run in the familiar surroundings of my neighborhood. As I was running, I noticed that I keep track of where I am going and the progress I am making. I accomplish this by looking at familiar houses and markers along the way. The red brick house designates half-mile marker; Victorian house, designates mile marker; lamp post and park bench tell me that I am at one and one half miles. When I was in the North Woods running, I had no way of looking at where I had come from, or where I was headed; I was in dense woods, I couldn't capture where I started, how far I had gone, or where I was going. I lost focus of what I was doing in the moment, and how I feel when I run. This situation reminded me of the process of recovery from an eating disorder. As I felt lost in the woods, many people get lost in eating disorder symptoms…they want desperately to stop engaging in eating disorder behaviors (whether they are bingeing, bingeing and purging, restricting food, over exercising). The focus becomes stopping the behaviors; all else is ignored or not acknowledged. Just as I had difficulty gauging how far I had run, sometimes people with eating disorders lose sight of how far they have come without markers to identify and define their progress. Just as it was important for me to chart my progress while running and to have markers to guide and motivate me to move forward, it is equally important for individuals recovering from eating disorders to chart their progress and identify markers in their own recovery process. Not to judge or criticize yourself, but to identify strengths and triumphs along the way; to take notice of your surroundings, rather than beating yourself up for not accomplishing full recovery overnight. Whether you are attending a support group, beginning the process of therapy, attending nutrition counseling for the first time, or learning to move your body in a way you enjoy, it is important to acknowledge the steps you are taking to recover from an eating disorder. Map your process of recovery; give yourself credit for even the smallest steps that you take in the process of recovery from an eating disorder. Acknowledge that you attended a group you were anxious about; that you continue to discuss your feelings, thoughts, and relationships in therapy, or that you identified physical hunger as you relearn to feed your body. The process of recovery can be difficult at times. It becomes an important part of the process, to accept yourself and acknowledge the steps you are taking, as well as helping you to be gentle with yourself along the way. Mapping your process can help you to see where you have come from, where you hope to get, and most importantly, to give yourself hope and encouragement in the present moment. Kathleen Check "Transforming
Body Image" From time to time, we ask professionals not affiliated with The Awakening Center to write articles and hold workshops at our center. Claudia Braun is a Shiatsu and Yoga practitioner who will be leading a workshop "Transforming Body Image" on Monday, December 2, which combines yoga, breath, postures and inner vision, to experience greater appreciation for your body, and to connect with a place of inner peace. Claudia makes sure that it is a safe place for all sizes and fitness levels. (See Page 3.) Using body work and yoga I have come to discover how often our mind tells us we aren't as good as ... For women with eating disorders this voice is loudest about the body. When the body becomes who we are, the self-talk is so constant it is easy to forget it isn't the truth. So what are some ways of change? Two ways are through Shiatsu and Yoga. My discovery of these modalities began in the late 80's. At the time I frequently didn't know what I was feeling. I had an intellectual experience of feelings, and my self dialogue was painful. A friend "Molly" was talking about having received a Shiatsu session and her experience from it. What I heard was how she became aware of feelings she hadn't known about, and how she felt more connected. Having never heard of Shiatsu, having limited massage experience, and not liking them, it surprised me to be so enthralled that I wanted to go and experience it for myself. Her experience resonated with my inner being. I liked hearing there was a way to feel more connected. I felt a pull to have the experience, I had the feeling it was what I was missing. I can't remember much about the first session, but I do remember wanting more. Suddenly the other things seemed in perspective. I felt calmer, more peaceful and less worried. I new this was a homecoming. As I was receiving on-going Shiatsu sessions I began seeing myself giving Shiatsu to others and offering them what I was experiencing. Now, after giving Shiatsu sessions for nine years and teaching yoga principles, I have many clients who have received what I have. Shiatsu, meaning "finger pressure" works the energy system acupuncturists use, only without needles. The results are somewhat similar. Shiatsu facilitates balance in the physical, mental and spiritual body. Because of the energetic nature of the Shiatsu, it works at a deep level under muscle and tissue to create change. Shiatsu can work on internal ailments as well as tightness from stress. Shiatsu has taught me a great deal, about slowing down, listening, and paying attention to what is important for me. In the discovery of Shiatsu I found yoga, another way to achieve inner peace, internal freedom and release from the worries of the mind. Yoga, meaning "union", allows one to find their inner self, through movement, meditation and breathing. With my clients, Shiatsu and yoga together teaches a deeper level of trusting ourselves, our inner process and accepting who we are. Both of these works help in connecting with our inner being, finding the love and compassion that is there for us, and coming to experience a kinder and gentler way of being. Claudia Braun can be reached at (847) 492-0227 x2. "Therapy
Group or Support Group? Maybe you've been attending a support group for a while and have been feeling that you want something more, but don't know what. Or maybe your therapist has suggested that you join a therapy group and have questions about it. You may have been asking yourself, "What is the difference between a support group and a therapy group?" There are several differences. While a support group can be therapeutic, it is not a therapy group. In a support group, whoever shows up at any particular meeting, whether it is 3 people or 23 people, that is the membership of the support group for that meeting. New members are allowed to join any week and members can stop attending whenever they want without explanation. While a core group of members who attend regularly does form in the support group, there is no guarantee of continuity of members. In a therapy group the number of members is fixed, usually 6 to 8, and the members are committed to attend every week. There is a prescreening process to see if someone is appropriate for the group and if the group is appropriate for them. If a group is time limited, for example a 12 week group, once the group starts no new members are allowed. If a group is ongoing, new members are only allowed to join when a member leaves the group, and the group will process their feelings about allowing new members in, as well as feelings about current members leaving. Because the same members attend on a weekly basis, a therapy group can build a level of trust and intimacy that is not found in a support group. This trust and intimacy is necessary to take the risks necessary to produce growth within the group setting. The leaders' role and how the groups are led are different also. In a support group, the leader acts as a teacher and moderator, not the therapist. Discussions are on general topics and the leader tends to "teach" about eating disorders and their underlying issues. Generally, the members' personal issues are not explored at length. Members are not required to speak; they may just sit and listen for the entire meeting. In a therapy group, the leader acts as a therapist. While some topics are discussed generally, most of the time is spent exploring the members' personal issues and feelings. If a member does not speak, it is treated as a therapeutic issue and will eventually be explored. In both kinds of groups, it is important that a feeling of safety for each of the members develops. In the support group the members are instructed to keep all names and identifying information strictly confidential. They are also encouraged to only talk about their experience in the group, and to refrain from talking about other members' experiences. In a therapy group,
because members are taking more risks, it must be done in a supportive
and safe manner: "If I reveal my issues to you, I know you will not
reject or shame me, because I know that you have the same feelings too.
If I need to back up from the group's intimacy, I know that my need will
be respected." Members are encouraged to take risks within the structure
of the group, i.e. to tell the group when something bothers them about
the group, to check out others' reactions rather than assume how others
feel towards you. There are many more differences but these are the main points. At The Awakening Center we offer several kinds of classes, support groups, and therapy groups-please see the current calendar on Page 3. If you would like more information about any of these groups, please contact the group leader directly and she will be glad to answer any questions you have. "Art
Therapy and the Creative Self" Art therapy is an expressive form of therapy which provides individuals with a unique opportunity to use art as a means of self expression and self discovery. We all have innate creativity as children, but sometimes lose touch with this part of ourselves as we grow older. The process of art-making provides a means in which to reconnect with this valuable part of ourselves. Art therapy sessions
are conducted in an encouraging and non-judgmental environment where the
therapist acts as facilitator and guide for the client's art-making process.
This creative process provides a tangible medium in which to explore thoughts
and feelings that are often illusive or difficult to put into words. The
finished art work acts as a mirror which reflects the "self"
in a new way that provides greater insight and Art therapy taps into the creativity and inner wisdom that we all have and demonstrates that the creative self has much to tell us if we allow it to speak. Phoebe Whisnant
is an Art Therapy graduate student intern from The Adler "DBT
Skills for Effective Living: This is the first article in a series of three that will highlight some of the skills that can be learned through Dialectical Behavior Therapy. True or False: "Saying no to a request is always a selfish thing to do." If you answered True, you may be under the influence of an interpersonal myth. These are beliefs or "rules" that people operate by in relationships -- "rules" which can end up causing relationship problems. Interpersonal myths can prevent you from behaving in ways that promote positive, satisfying relationships. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy, participants learn to move beyond interpersonal myths by identifying and challenging them. Perhaps the most common
type of interpersonal myth has to do with making requests and saying "no"
to requests. Most of us can point to a situation where we should have
been more firm in making a request or saying no to someone. Myths we hold
can get in the way of asking or saying "no" as firmly or as
often as necessary in order to manage relationships effectively. Common
interpersonal myths regarding making requests include: "Asking for
things is a very pushy (or bad, or selfish, or fill-in-the-blank-with-a-negative)
thing to do," "I must really be inadequate if I can't fix this
without asking for help," "Unless I'm sure I'll get a 'yes'
I'd better not ask." Realistically, figuring out whether or not to
make a request and how firm to be in asking is usually based on many factors,
rather than any single "rule" such as these. And even though
there might be a small grain of truth in each of these statements under
very specific circumstances, none of them applies across the board. The
same holds true for myths about saying no, such as "If I say no someone
will get upset and I won't be able to deal with that," or "I
don't have the right to say no." Again, potentially true under a
very narrow range of circumstances, but too narrow and simple to function
as a "rule" that governs all interactions. Cindy Butler, PhD is leading two DBT groups at The Awakening Center. If you would like more information, or to join the DBT group, please contact Cindy at 773 744-0189. "Nourishing
Concepts" Nourishing Concepts is a weekly nutrition-counseling group, designed to help members move toward "intuitive eating" and away from deprivation, undernourishment, and emotional overeating. This group is open to women who are interested in implementing a non-dieting, natural eating approach. I have been offering this group for several years, and this fall, Candice Luglio, Ph.D. will be joining me in leading the group and I wanted to share a conversation we had recently. Can you tell us a little about your background? I'm currently completing a yearlong postdoctoral fellowship at The Awakening Center. This spring I graduated with my doctorate in clinical psychology from Georgia State University in Atlanta and I'm working toward licensure in Illinois. I've worked as a psychotherapist in a variety of settings and I have specialized training in the treatment of eating disorders. I also have a master's degree in sport psychology from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. How is Nourishing
Concepts different from groups you've led in the past? Nourishing Concepts
is interesting in that it's more like an extended experiential workshop.
We begin each session with a brief relaxation or breathing exercise. Following
that, we will present a topic to be discussed and members will be asked
to share their reactions, thoughts, emotions, and experiences with regard
to that topic. Active participation will be encouraged but it is up to
the individual group member to decide how much she wishes to talk. At
times group members may have realizations that they will want to explore
more deeply in individual therapy As you see it, what are the advantages of this type of group counseling? Clearly, working one-on-one with a nutritionist is recommended when you need personalized attention. On the other hand, there are definite positives to joining a group like Nourishing Concepts. Group members really tend to learn a great deal from each other. Listening to someone describe a situation similar to your own can give you a new perspective and empathy for yourself. Also, many people who struggle with problematic eating patterns may feel alienated from the world around them and it can be helpful to meet people who share similar concerns. Finally, changing eating patterns can be very difficult and it can be empowering to interact with others who also want to change. Elisa D'Urso-Fischer can be reached at (773) 929-6262 ext 16.
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