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The Club! Congratulations! You made it through another holiday season. No matter what you said or didn’t say, what you did or didn’t do, what you ate or didn’t eat, you survived! You did your best. Did you, like so many of us, go “home for the holidays”? If you found yourself surrounded by craziness and chaos, but felt like you were the weirdo or oddball, then join the club! The Marilyn club! “Who or what is the Marilyn Club?” Well, I’m glad you asked. My dear good friend, Lexi and I started the Marilyn Club many, many years ago. After certain family events, we would call each other and talk for hours about our families. We started noticing certain patterns common to our families. One of these patterns was the family’s attitude that we were the “problem” and they were “normal”. I must admit that a small percentage of the time they were right. But many times we were given these messages for things like getting angry when someone hurt us or took advantage of us, for speaking up when we didn’t like something or when someone let us down, or being accused of being “too sensitive” when someone was being downright cruel or mean. We realized that many times after family events we would feel bad. We would wonder what was wrong with us. Why were we so “weird”? One day in a flash of insight, I remem-bered Marilyn from the old TV sitcom, “The Munsters”. Marilyn was the normal-looking niece who lived with the family. Lily, Herman, Eddy and Grampa were all monster-like characters. But was Marilyn seen as normal by the family? On the contrary. They often said things to her about how she was different or strange, and many times Lily would tell Marilyn to take typing or secretarial classes because “with her looks she could never get a husband”. (“Ha, Ha, Ha” goes the laugh track.) Think about it. Marilyn was the normal one who was out of place because she was surrounded by abnormal people. She was not the one with the problem. In a sitcom this may be funny, but in our lives it is not. It is painful! It destroys our self-esteem and makes us continually look at ourselves as defective, broken, bad or just wrong. We then spend a lot of time beating ourselves up or engaging in self-destructive behaviors. I believe that everyone can continually improve upon themselves, and we can constantly strive for self-actualization. But if we continually try to change ourselves fit in better with our families, we are actually perpetuating the problem rather than fixing it. If someone makes cruel comments, trying to be “less sensitive” will not make it more comfortable to go home. If standing up for yourself is discouraged, being a doormat is not the answer. Imagine Marilyn suddenly “seeing the light”. She stares in amazement at the others around her. The relief she feels is profound. “Hey everyone! I’m not the oddball around here. I’m normal! So stop treating me as if I’m not normal. Treat me with respect from now on.” (No laugh track here.) Sometimes when my family is doing it’s “thing”, I remind myself that “I am Marilyn. I am normal. They are not.” This is usually enough to distance me from the chaos or dysfunction. If I speak up and are told, verbally or nonverbally, that I am being “weird”, I can stand my ground by telling myself that assertiveness is “normal”. Over the years, they have gotten used to me this way. I don’t know if they will ever see me as “normal” or not. Their opinions of me really don’t matter to me anymore. I just know that when they roll their eyes or say “Here she goes again stirring up trouble...” I picture Marilyn smiling at me. We give each other a little knowing nod and sigh. If you consider yourself a member of the Marilyn Club, cut out the membership card below and carry it with pride. “Unofficial Marilyn
Club Membership Card” AMY GRABOWSKI, MA, LCPC, would like to thank Lexi for her support and friendship. Amy has 12 years experience helping women (and men) discover the person they were meant to be. If you would like to talk to her about this process, feel free to call her at (773) 929-6262 ext 1. Beware
of New Year’s Resolutions: Empowering Yourself to Change With the New Year always comes the barrage of weight loss advertisements and the pressure to lose weight or at least change your diet. It is a good time to step back and remind yourself that dieting is big, big business. In the US it is estimated that at least 50% of the population is on some kind of diet. The diet industry was a $32 BILLION business in the early 1990’s and that number was expected to double by the late 1990’s. However even with all this money spent, Americans are not any thinner. In fact, we are just as overweight as we were in the 1960’s. “Dieting may be a great disservice to obese people in this country,” says Susan C Wooley, PhD, co-director of the Eating Disorders Clinic and associate professor of Psychiatry at Cincinnati Medical College. “There are certain health problems associated with obesity, but also with thinness and apparently, weight cycling.” Dr. Wooley views chronic dieting as an eating disorder, much like bulimia or anorexia. She, along with many health experts, would like to see an end to all commercial weight loss programs. Can you imagine a January without all the ads and commercials for diet and weight loss programs?? Dr. Wooley admits, “The diet industry is gigantic, a major factor in US economics.” So what can we, the average American consumer, do? One thing for sure is to remember “Money talks”. Be careful how and where you spend your money. Be careful of what you are supporting. Choose foods and programs that promote overall health and well-being. Deborah Roussos, RD, MD, director of the nutrition center with Physician’s Plus Medical Group in Madison, Wisconsin, has advocated a non-diet philosophy for over a decade. “We need to promote positive eating behavior without telling people how much to eat,” Roussos states. “I changed my approach when I realized I didn’t eat the way I was trying to teach clients to eat, with calorie limits and exchanges.” Roussos also believes that breaking the diet-binge cycle is crucial before changes can be made in what people eat. In other words, working on ending bingeing and restricting has to be the first step in establishing a healthier diet. Research in the study of behavior change also shows it is essential to individualize programs and treatment plans to the individual rather than try to make the person fit the treatment program. People generally will adopt only those changes that suit their lifestyle. They also have to like the changes they are making to maintain them. Long-term change usually occurs slowly and in small increments. So, as we recover from the ups and downs of the holidays, and move into the New Year, look for ways to feel good about small dietary and activity changes. Celebrate your efforts and seek groups and individuals which help support these changes. (References: Jackson, Elizabeth G., Experts Speak Out: It’s Time to Give Up Dieting. Environmental Nutrition, 1992; Vol. 15; No 3.) ELISA D’URSO-FISCHER, RD, LD has many years experience helping others recover from disordered eating, including chronic dieting, binge eating, compulsive overeating, bulimia, and anorexia. Elisa is now forming a small highly-individualized Nutrition Counseling Group, beginning soon. If you are interested please call her at (773) 929-6262 X3.
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