|
|
|
What
Do You Value? I want you to stop reading right now, go get a pen and several sheets of paper. Then I want you to turn off your judgments, thoughts and fears. Close your eyes and go inward to a quiet place inside you, to a calm feeling of wisdom, a place that just “knows” what is best for you. And from that place, answer the following three questions.
This is an exercise I often give to my clients. It helps us clarify what is important to us, what are our values, what our goals are. Most people have specific goals in mind. They want to have satisfying careers and fulfilling relationships. Some know that they want to get married and have children. Many want to make the world a better place, to help others. Almost all want their friends to remember them as being generous, loving, caring, kind, a good listener, fun, having a sense of humor. For the last six months of their life, most would travel, take risks, have fun, spend time with loving friends and family. In the 14 years that I have been treating women with eating disorders, not once did a client say: “I want to be on the cover of Cosmo*. I want my friends to remember I wore a size 2, and I’d spend the last six months of my life over-exercising and starving myself.” But to look at how we live our lives, that is what appears to be important, what we value most. Usually these things become important because we’ve never stopped to think about what we value, deep inside. When we sacrifice our “selves” to please others we often lose a sense of purpose, meaning and direction in life. When we reclaim our sense of self, we can live each day according to our own beliefs, values and with a direction to achieve what is important to us. When I was in the midst of my eating disorder, I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, what I liked or valued. I based my behavior on who was around me, often feeling like a chameleon, changing to fit my surroundings. My lack of direction made me feel out of control, at the fate of those around me. Because I felt so empty inside, I invested a lot of energy in my appearance, what I ate, how thin I could be. During my recovery, I had to rediscover who I was, what I believed in. It was through this inner discovery process that I realized that I was good at helping others and I wanted to make a difference in the world. When I reclaimed these parts of myself, I felt my life had a direction and a purpose. I could then live my life mindfully, emphasizing what was really important to me. Rather than starving myself, I reminded myself that feeding my body was important so that it could do the things I needed to do in order to accomplish my goals. Instead of filling my mind with calculations of fat grams, calories or exercise reps, I filled my mind with knowledge about the things I valued. In place of worrying about whether I was the fattest or thinnest woman in the room, I decided to stop “competing”. I concentrated on talking to others on a genuine human-to-human level. Look at what you wrote. How can you live your life according to your values on a daily basis? What can you do to become mindful of what is really important to you in the long run? What thoughts do you need to replace because they are not conducive to achieving your goals? I encourage you to live each day to the fullest, mindful of what is really important to you. Amy Grabowski is writing a book about eating disorders and recovery. She invites you to share any insights you have learned from this article: what is important to you, what you value most, how you will live your life in response to this insight. Please send them to her via email (as part of an email message, not as an attached file) to: info@awakeningcenter.net (*I do not want to imply that wanting to be on the cover of Cosmo magazine is somehow bad or wrong. If it indeed is your lifelong goal, then I would encourage you to fulfill that goal. But if what you really want in life is not based on your looks then I encourage you to put your appearance in perspective and spend your energy to pursue other goals.) Nutrition
Q & A: Why Not Diet? Q: In your last newsletter you warned us about diets. So what’s wrong with dieting? Losing 5 lbs can’t be that bad for you, can it? A: Dieting, even for 5 lbs, says that you believe weight has to be managed and forced. In other words you are in the "control camp". Your efforts to lose 5 lbs will involve controlling your food intake, that is, deciding to restrict some kind(s) of foods or amounts. That effort has serious repercussions of which the physical ones alone are quite troublesome. It has been well documented and publicized that dieting doesn’t work. When people lose weight on a diet they sooner or later gain it back. Weight loss tends to erode lean body tissue (muscles and organs) and weight regain tends to restore fat. That is just a part of the physiological response. Our need for food (energy) is so essential and primal that if we are not getting enough energy, our bodies naturally compensate with powerful biological and psychological mechanisms. For example, an overwhelming craving for food, especially high-fat, high-sugar food is simply part of the enormous biological pressure to restore caloric balance and body weight. A goal of a 5 lbs loss through dieting, (with a likely regain), sets you on a path of dieting, bingeing, and dieting again . . . and so on. So if you are not in the "control camp" where can you go? The "trust camp”! There are now many good resources to support you in this direction. A list of readings will follow. Ellyn Satter, a specialist in eating problems (a dietitian who is also a psychotherapist) states it this way: "You don’t have to be thin to be healthy. You can take good care of yourself with eating. You can take good care of yourself with activity. And you can let yourself weigh what you will in response to these positive behaviors. Healthy weight is what you maintain without too much trouble". Here are some supportive books to keep handy as you journey into the "trust camp": Big Fat Lies, Glenn Gaesser (caution: ignore the section on the 20% fat diet, which is controversial, and will just emphasize the diet mentality) Intuitive Eating, Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch (special interest: chapter 6 – Honor your Hunger) Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family, Ellyn Satter (special interest: Appendix D) When Women Stop Hating their Bodies, Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter Marianne Evans-Ramsay can help those trying to journey into the “trust camp”. She will be co-leading Joyful and Healthful Eating: Women’s Health and Soy, “Make Peace With Food at the Farm”, Joyful and Healthful Eating: Women’s Health and Calcium. The
Power of Planning From time to time, we ask other professionals to write about subjects that interest our readers. Picture this: John and Lisa excitedly set out for a weekend get-away. John planned the weekend and told Lisa “Sit back and enjoy the ride.” About an hour into the trip Lisa realizes that John is lost and they've been driving around in circles. Although John had a general idea of where their destination was located, he didn't get exact directions, nor did he bring a map. He refuses to stop and ask for directions (too embarrassing). Lisa notices the gas gauge is low and points out a sign for a gas station. John waves off her concern and says that they have plenty of gas for the remainder of the trip. But soon they are lost again on a lonesome stretch of highway with the gas gauge officially on "E" and no exit signs in sight. What was intended to be a fun and relaxing trip now sounds frustrating at least, nightmarish, at most, right? What is your opinion of John? While he seems to have had very good intentions toward providing Lisa with a pleasurable experience, you probably have some suggestions for how John can improve as a host and a navigator. For those of us who are recovering from eating disorders, I think we often find ourselves doing the same things that John did. We are often unprepared to navigate our way through each day. We may not plan enough for the transitions in our day that find us feeling lost and low on fuel. We do not take the time to create a new map for the times when we feel depleted, lonely, and scared. We are too embarrassed to ask for support. Then we have no choice but to use our eating disorder as a way to navigate through these times. After turning to our eating disorder to get us "unlost," we feel frustrated. We wonder what it's going to take for us to stop these troublesome behaviors. Here's what I believe it takes to stop going down the old familiar road of an eating disorder: intentional planning of each day, including specific ways to fuel and refuel. Are you willing to list out what you do with each hour of your day? If you do this for several days, you will begin to see the vulnerable places within your day. You can then get support in planning for these vulnerable spots. This may mean a simple shift like calling a friend to discuss your day instead of turning the television on when you get home from work. Or it can mean making a big change such as signing up for three different evening activities so that you transform lonely weekday evenings into evenings of connection and human interaction. Regardless of the kinds of changes that you make, they will take commitment and vulnerability to enact. However, the results will be dramatic and powerful. What has helped me is to join with people who are also actively making changes in their lives. Together, we support one another to do the hard things that we don't always want to do but that will ultimately serve us. I also search my heart to identify the kinds of experiences and people that make my heart sing, and then I consciously build these into each day. The three things that I value most are meaningful interaction with others, using my creativity, and learning. When I make it a priority to build each of these in both my work life and my leisure time, I am fueled and I can guarantee that my eating disorder isn't an issue. Marita Mecca, MA Re-Discovering
Pleasurable Eating "With all the talk about health and nutrition, it's easy to lose sight of the simple pleasure of eating." This quote from the March issue of Dr. Andrew Weil's newsletter ‘Self Healing’, addresses an issue many of us confront. Many people go to see a nutritionist because they are struggling with what they believe they “should” be eating versus what they wind up eating. Many people are confused and frustrated by the mixed nutrition messages in the media. We are bombarded with "do's and don'ts" and it is difficult to know who or what you should believe. Dr. Paul Rozin, a psychology professor at the University of Pennsylvania, has surveyed more than 1,000 people, mostly in America and France, about their feelings toward food and eating. He found significant differences between the two countries. "There is a sense among Americans that food is as much a poison as it is a nutrient, and that eating is almost as dangerous as not eating," Dr. Rosin wrote in a recent issue of the journal Appetite. He was quoted in the NY Times, (November 21,1999) as saying "It is not unreasonable to assume that when a major aspect of life becomes a stress and source of substantial worry, as opposed to a pleasure, effects might be seen in both cardiovascular and immune systems." Dr. Rosin suggests that the positive attitude the French have toward their food is part of the explanation for their lower levels of heart disease, despite a diet high in what we call "bad" fats. Many experts in the field are recognizing the importance of enjoying eating. In Dr. Andrew Weil's latest book, Eating Well for Optimum Health, he encourages "eating mindfully - bringing moment to moment consciousness to the act of eating." He encourages people to "take the time to enjoy your meal, so you'll nourish your body as well as your soul." Here at The Awakening Center, we have been advocating making peace with food for many years. In our workshop, "Make Peace With Food" participants are given the opportunity to "eat mindfully." Together we explore some of the many physical characteristics of food. In a safe and comfortable environment we try to reconnect eating to our physical needs, such as hunger or thirst, as well as to physical satisfaction. We are encouraged to take the time to use all our senses to bring increased awareness to our food and the process of eating it. So, we notice the color, shape, and texture of the food. We pay attention to the aroma of the food. As we put the food in our mouth we focus on how it feels in our mouth, and against our teeth and tongue. We discuss how eating this way feels. In our culture, so often we take a "mindless," "fast food" approach to eating. Some believe this loss in pleasure of eating contributes to overeating, as we try to compensate for the loss in satisfaction. During the next few months, Marianne and I will be offering a new series of programs developed to help people on this path of rediscovering pleasurable eating. We invite you to come and try new and old foods in a positive, supportive environment. We believe that eating for health and eating for enjoyment are not incompatible. These cooking and tasting programs were designed to help you experience "Joyful and Healthful Eating." Joyful and healthful eating go hand in hand. Both will blossom in a safe, nonjudgmental setting. Joyful eating primarily stems from being free to explore the sensual aspects of the food experience. Healthful eating primarily stems from identifying, interpreting, and meeting physical needs. The first and last sessions will center around women's unique health needs. At the first session, May 24th, 6-8 pm we will discuss P.M.S. and menopause . We will prepare two dishes using soy and discuss how this food may help. We will have several soy based foods to sample and help familiarize you with some easy to use products. We will discuss some healthful "coulds" and how not to make them "shoulds". The cost is $40 in advance and $50 at the door, but space is limited so please try to register in advance. It may be helpful to bring your own sandwich, so you can feel comfortable sampling and eating our food only if you enjoy it. The second session, Sat June 10, 9am-4pm, “Make Peace With Food at the Angelic Organics Farm” is a ‘field trip’ to a working farm in Calendonia, Il. We will help you to:
Space is limited to 10. Please call ext. 3 to receive registration packet. Fee: $100. At the last session July 10th, 6 -8 pm we will discuss bone and heart health. We will prepare high calcium dishes using greens, like collards or beet greens. We will discuss fats and oils, and how some are beneficial for our bodies. Again, it may be helpful to bring your own sandwich, so you can feel safe knowing there will be enough food for you to feel satisfied. The cost for this workshop will be $40 in advance, and $50 at the door. Because of the cooking and food preparation, it's important to register early. Elisa D’Urso-Fischer faciliatates “Nourishing Concepts” a nutrition counseling group that meets on Monday evenings. The group members are currently reading and doing exercises from “The Tao of Eating” by Linda Harper. If you would like to join this group before they read their next book, call Elisa at ext. 3.
|
 |
